No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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