I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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