that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
