I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
