Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
