just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
