what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
