I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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