So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
