And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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