His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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