Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
