Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
