according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
