apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
