once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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