Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
