We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
