We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
