A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
