yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
