Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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