Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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