I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
