Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
