I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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