it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
