She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
