well I can't set my house on fire every night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
