dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
