When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So much Jack, so little girl.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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