dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
