i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
