You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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