I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
