This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
