seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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