"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
