i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
