I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
