I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
