Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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