I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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