if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
