Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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