You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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