cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
