She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
