so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
