this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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