so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
