new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm too high and old for this...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
