hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
